darrenbeckett

Cars No One Wants: A Few More

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 15:37:00 -0800

There are three more vehicles that didn’t fit into my earlier entries of cars that no one wants. The first two are competing vans from GM and Ford, while the third is the only off-road vehicle to buy if you are serious about off-roading.

Ford E-Series
Ford makes a full-size van that can move a lot of gear or a lot of people. Whether you are in a band and need to take you equipment with you, or you are a church and need to take your congregation with you, Only Americans know how to make a bus you don’t need a special license to drive.

Chevy Express/GMC Savana
GM’s version of the aforementioned van can move the same number of passengers (15 adults!), and has respectable towing capabilities.

Jeep Wrangler
There’s really only one vehicle the Americans make in the off-road category that is not available in any other format. Sure, GM has their Hummer... but no one buys over $50,000 for a vehicle and then beats it senseless.

Cars No One Wants: The Truck Edition

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 06:51:00 -0800

People in the U.S. have stuff. We have horses, machinery, waverunners and boats, dune buggies and dirt bikes, fifth-wheel trailers, toy haulers. No company outside our borders offers a vehicle ready to contend with all of our stuff.

Chevrolet Avalanche / Cadillac Escalade EXT
The lightweight of this group, GM is the only company in the world to offer a real “transformer”. The Avalanche/Escalade EXT can convert from a four-door, short bed truck, into a full bed pickup.

Dodge Ram 3500
Dodge makes the best diesel trucks in America, and the best looking full-size trucks anywhere. The 3500 offers 16,500 pounds of towing, and a 12,200 pound payload capacity.

Chevrolet Silverado 3500HD
Chevy’s latest heavy duty truck pulls 16,000 pounds... and did I mention that it seats six?

Ford Super Duty
The Ford Super Duty offers the only factory-installed, fully integrated Trailer Brake Controller. This beast is capable of towing 24,600 pounds!

Cars No One Wants: The Dreaded SUV Edition

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 13:28:00 -0800

No one will win any arguments trying to say the SUV isn’t an inefficient over-sized vehicle. But the argument isn’t about American car companies making over-sized land yachts. The argument is that no one wants them... which is simply not true. If you have a lot of people you need to move, and you have some heavy equipment that needs to come along... you’re not doing this using a Honda Odyssey.

Ford Expedition EL / GMC Yukon XL
Let’s say you have four kids (with friends), a dog or two, and a boat. And let’s say you want to make a trip to the river for the holiday weekend without burning out the transmission on the mini-van trying to pull all that up the slightest hill. Only American companies make a vehicle capable of moving toys, gear, and people. Both the Expedition EL and the Yukon XL seat nine, and are capable of towing 9,000 pounds.

Cadillac Escalade
Repeat all of the above... but add all the refinements of a Cadillac. Say what you will about failed business models, but Cadillac is one of GM’s most profitable brands.

Ford Escape Hybrid
The hybrid no one seems to know about... Ford offers a 34 MPG hybrid that happens to fit more than one full-sized adult. The Escape Hybrid seats five, offers up to 66 cubic feet of storage space (compared to 14.4 in the Prius), and has four-wheel drive.

Cars No One Wants: Muscle Car Edition

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 15:19:00 -0800

The talking points memo went out last week, and apparently all reporters and talking heads are suppose to mention that the American car companies make cars people don’t want, and no cars people do want. All three companies make cars that not only do people want, but no foreign company offers. Today I am exploring a few that may seem like unpopular offerings (though sales do not support that theory)... the American Muscle Car.

One of the best descriptions of American muscle is “bang for the buck”. And each of these cars have it. No Japanese car company makes anything close to good old muscle cars. And no matter what our gas prices look like – and no matter what our economy looks like – Americans like big, powerful, raw machines.

Ford Mustang
Considered the first Pony car, Ford offers something that you can’t come close to from any foreign car company. Powerful, fun to drive, and affordable. Car and Driver listed the Mustang as the quickest car of 2007 under $20,000. Not only do people want this car... look around, people are buying this car.

Dodge Challenger
A throwback to the 70’s (something the Japanese can’t even do), Dodge recently introduced the Challenger. High-dollar auctions simply for the rights to buy one shows serious consumer interest.

Chrysler 300/Dodge Charger
A muscle car for the family man, Chrysler offers the luxurious Chrysler 300 or the sporty Dodge Charger. Roomy, powerful, and affordable. Good luck finding a decent sized, rear-wheel drive family car from any of the imports.

Dodge Viper
I suppose you could go to a German or Italian automaker if you’re in the mood for a supercar. But the Dodge Viper can turn more heads than most cars on the road.

Chevy Corvette
And speaking of supercars, America’s first sports car out-performs most competitors and costs a mere fraction of the price. Japan’s closest competitor to the Corvette disappeared in 2005.

Sliver of Time

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 15:22:00 -0800

Miska Knapek creates amazing photos which display a full 24-hours of time in one single photograph.

The Auto Giant Mess

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 16:21:00 -0800

There’s a lot of opinion being tossed out this weekend and today about the auto-giants and the possibility of a bail-out. Questions like, “What is special about G.M. that they should be able to live as though 2008 never happened?” Statements like, “They can be replaced by car companies that can design, build, and market cars that people actually want,” or, “The simple truth is that Ford and G.M. make ugly, inefficient cars that few people want to buy.” Ignorance repeated like, “They deserve to go under for killing the electric car.” There are so many points that are wrong in these questions, statements, and suggestions.

First, they are so special that they do need to be bailed out. Why? Because it’s not just the blue-collar jobs they provide, though there are a lot of those. It’s not just the white-collar jobs they provide, and they provide plenty of those as well. But what about the literally millions of jobs that are related to what GM, Ford, and Chrysler do?

The automotive companies are the leading buyers of IT equipment... GM having more work-stations than any company in the country. They purchase cutting-edge virtual reality displays, advanced electronics, and the latest simulation software. The auto companies push the development of all sort of new technologies from batteries to fuel cells to new polymers.

This purchasing, this innovation, is here in America. Toyota and Honda do the same thing... in Japan. If GM, Ford, or Chrysler are gone, Toyota will fill the void and sell their cars. Toyota will make a few models here, but the manufacturing and the innovation gap will not be filled. They will keep that innovation... and the high-tech jobs... and the money... over in Japan.

In addition, the cost to the government (i.e. all of us) would be far greater than the cost of a bail-out. The retirements of over 800,000 people would suddenly fall on the shoulders of the U.S. Government. Unemployment compensation would be out of control, instantly tripling what it is right now. Not to mention all of the local governments that rely heavily on the taxes provided by auto industry plants and businesses.

Second, I am sick and tired of hearing how GM killed the electric vehicle, and how they don’t make cars people want to buy.

In 1990, GM started a long journey to make an all electric car. GM made 1,000 cars and was only able to lease around 800... at a hugely subsidized price. They didn’t kill the electric vehicle, consumer’s lack of interest killed it.

Ford and GM do not make ugly, inefficient cars that few people want to buy. Their current problem is that they made exactly the cars people wanted to buy. They made SUVs with seating for nine, draped with leather, dripping with chrome, quadruple climate zones, and a TV screen for every passenger. They weigh in at 8,000 pounds and have to go 0-60 in under 10 seconds (to meet the expectations of the consumer)... and then are listed as “inefficient”. All things considered, these SUVs are pretty damned efficient.

It just so happened that four years into the five year development time that a car takes to be produced, the gas jumped unexpectedly and out of control. Suddenly the price to fuel the SUVs that the consumers demanded was way more than filling up a Mini. Suddenly GM was no longer making the cars people want... even though a month ago GM couldn’t make the same SUVs fast enough.

GM, Ford, and Chrysler have been doing the same thing that every company in the world does. They make what people are buying, not something people might buy if all conditions fall a certain way. That’s not poor management, that’s business as usual.

Interestingly enough, none of the opponents to the auto industry bail-out have clearly expressed why AIG deserves it, but GM does not.

No More Excuses

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 13:18:00 -0800

The way that I was raised was, “Nobody’s better than you, and anything that you want, you set your mind to it and you go get it. Period.” I believed that it was possible, but I didn’t know if I really believed. The history of African-Americans is such that you want to be a part of America, but we’ve been rejected so much it’s hard to take the ownership and take responsibility for ourselves and this country. It was like, at that second, at that moment, all of our excuses were gone. – Will Smith on the election of Barack Obama.

Pantone Clock

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 13:15:00 -0800

I am a design geek, and a fan of unique clocks. This is perfection.

Apple Tops Smartphone Study

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 13:46:00 -0800

There’s a lot of comparing the iPhone to other smartphones, and typically those comparisons are non-users looking at the features. What a person who does not own the iPhone does not get about the iPhone is that it’s not just a simple feature set that makes you fall in love. It’s the overall experience... which cannot be described in a bulleted list of features.

JD Power released their 2008 Business Wireless Smartphone Customer Satisfaction Study yesterday. Apple’s iPhone was considerably higher on the list than any other smartphone. The iPhone was 75 points higher than the BlackBerry... which was only 22 points above average, and only 59 points above the worst in the group.

The scores were derived from survey answers in five categories: ease of operation, operating system, physical design, handset features, and battery aspects.

Perhaps the feature comparisons should add “customer satisfaction” as a bullet.

Some interesting notes in JD Power’s chart...

Samsung gets listed as “better than most” by being 20 points above average. However, Motorola is “about average” while being more than 20 points below the average.

Apple gets listed as “among the best” despite being alone at the top. Doesn’t the word, “among” imply there is more than one?

What We Learned in 2008

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 10:13:00 -0800

In case you missed it, there was an historic election on Tuesday. By 8:00 PST, we had a new president. And in the moments that followed, we learned some interesting things about our country.

America is not racist.
I’ve been arguing this for quite some time now. I remember several years ago I was sitting in a parking lot waiting for the wife to come out of a store. I saw a well dressed black man step out of a $100,000 Mercedes. I thought to myself, in a racist country, that would not be possible. The top two of the richest entertainers in the world are black Americans. This would not be possible in a racist country. Sure there are some people who are racist... there always will be. But it is obvious now that those people do not come close to representing the whole.

America is purple.
Mark Newman, from the Department of Physics and Center for the Study of Complex Systems at the University of Michigan, created some interesting maps of the country based on how we voted. What Mark did was display the country, each county by color based on how they voted. He didn’t just use red and blue, he used shades of red and blue based on percentages. Then to make the map even more accurate, he created a cartogram, which stretches and shrinks areas of the map according to the population. In the end you end up with a swirls of red and pockets blue mixed in with a lot of purple.

Pundits like to say this country is sharply divided. Some even went as far as saying that Obama is going to have to work to unify this divided nation. This country is not divided. This country is full of people who have opinions. And frankly, I do not want to live in a country where everyone feels exactly the same way.

Republicans got fired for spending, not social conservatism.
Liberals like to declare that victory for them means a defeat for social conservatism. However, if you look at the other items that were voted on in this country, social conservatism is still high in the minds of voters. Democrats won major victories over the Republicans, but at the same time three states passed gay marriage bans... one of those states being the hugely liberal state of California. Americans still believe in values. The Republicans got fired, not for having values, but rather not following their own motto of lower government spending.

George W. Bush is a better man than Bill Clinton will ever be.
After the announcement of Obama’s victory, George W. Bush extended his hand to the man who spent the last two years railing against everything Bush has stood for and done. When Bush won in 2000, Clinton only extended a finger.

The Parents Get Interwebs

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 10:35:00 -0800

So it finally happened... this weekend my parents got the Internet. First off, I have to say that it’s not fair that they did not go through the days of per-minute fees and slow dial-up, not to mention that awful noise upon connecting. No evolution for them. They went to bed in 1988 and woke up in 2008.

While it’s good to see the parents finally see what the fuss has been about for the past 15 years (though I doubt they will get it), I have one small concern. The parents are better blog fodder than even the wife. How can I blog about them not that I know they might be reading this?

Gay Marriage

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 20:00:00 -0800

Tomorrow California decides whether there should be a constitutional amendment defining marriage as a union between a man and a woman, making gay marriages illegal. One thing I find amusing is the opponent of the proposition, claiming proponents are intolerant, and then spray painting that message on the cars and homes of people who have a “Yes on 8” sign in their yard. Regardless, there is a huge difference in the feelings behind each viewpoint.

A person who supports gay marriage claims it’s an issue of civil rights. Gay people should be allowed the same rights as straight people. Interestingly enough, gay people have the same rights. They can legally marry a person of the opposite sex as I can. There is no longer any right given to a married couple that is not offered to a domestic partner. Bottom line, gay people just do not want to be told no.

A little side note... if you follow their logic, my rights started to be violated the day I got married, because I cannot marry another person. Why, as a married person, can I not marry anyone else? That’s simply not fair. What if I really love that second person... and really love my current wife? I should have that right.

Truly the misunderstood person is the opponent of gay marriage. There is something deeply at stake for a person who believes in the one true God. You see, marriage is something that was created by God and represents His relationship with me. It is intended to be a beautiful thing, not some abomination that it has turned into. So the voter who is for Prop 8 is not out to make a gay people’s lives miserable just to spite them. He is trying to protect something that is sacred to his beliefs. Something that means more than just his own personal situation. And just like divorce, we are watching as gay marriage destroys something beautiful God created. This is as offensive and as disturbing as the man who dipped a statue of Christ in a vat of urine and called it art.

The world sees God through marriage. By asking me to say no on Prop 8, you are asking me to piss on God.

My Kid Gets It

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 14:51:00 -0800

Typical for this time of year, conversations in my house have been political. My kids are learning about voting and taxes and ballot initiatives... which usually brings up all sorts of questions during dinner. Yesterday, convinced me that he knows exactly how to solve the problems in this country. He said, “If the government needs more money, why don’t they just get a ~~part~~ half-time job?”

Apple Opposes Prop 8

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 13:22:00 -0800

Daring Fireball, which might be my favorite blog (usually), responded to that headline by saying, “Good for Apple.” Why is that good for Apple? Because Gruber agrees with it? What a bunch of crap. The fact is, Apple shouldn’t be involved in whether gay people can marry any more than Gruber thinks I should be involved in whether gay people can marry. I reward John with his own “Jackass of the Week” award.

Tough call on how to tag this article... does it go under Apple, Politics, Religion, or Et Cetera?!

More on Prop 8

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 23:29:00 -0800

So I’m driving with this evening to get some food. We pull up at a stop light, and on the corner were a half-dozen people standing on the curb with “Say No to California Proposition 8” signs. The loud one had a sign that read, “Love Not Hate... No on Prop 8.” So he’s hollering at our car telling us we need to vote no. I don’t really want to provoke the guy while we’re sitting six inches away. I wait until the light turns green and figure that’s a good opportunity to let him know my view on Prop 8. I give him a thumbs down sign. His response? “F*** you, homo!” Priceless.

Undecided

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 13:53:00 -0800

I am really puzzled by a person who is only a couple of weeks away from the election and still claims to be undecided. The problem I have with this is simple. You have two competing ideals, you don’t know which one you are? David Sedaris of The New Yorker offered a good analogy...

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of s*** [my censorship, not the author’s] with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.

That seems a bit harsh. I would argue that neither candidate is a pile of crap with or without shards of glass. And why downgrade crap by comparing it to something as disgusting as chicken?

Stupid Words

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 21:18:00 -0800

This isn’t my first – and not likely to be my last – entry complaining about churches and their horrible presentations. I’ve been involved in both sound and powerpoint at various churches, spanning a period of over seven years. Every pastor and worship leader, while using different methods, have the same rule: you must show the words to the songs they are singing. Here’s the thing... no one looks at them.

Sure, I know... the second you don’t show the lyrics on screen, you will have half of the congregation bug you about how they were missing. But that’s because they are trained to look for them. It’s like a security blanket. You don’t need it, you want it.

Here is a video of one of the most famous worship bands ever, Hillsong, performing one of the best worship songs I know. You don’t have to watch the whole thing (though you should), but for the first minute or two, watch the people in the audience...

(Optional YouTube link)

There are what appears to be 3,000 people in the audience here. There’s one thing they all have in common. Not one of them has their eyes open.

Another thought along those lines, when you go to see your favorite band, do they display their lyrics up on a big screen?

I was once told, “don’t bring me problems, bringing me solutions.” So I’m going to do just that. This isn’t rocket science, the idea is already being used in conjunction with the stupid words on the screen. Simply print the lyrics on a sheet of paper and toss them in the bulletin. If you want the words, you have them. And they aren’t going to be blocked by a six-foot-five behemoth standing in front of you.

Don't Show the Shoes!

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 15:19:00 -0800

My friend, and I are huge Dane Cook fans. Our conversations typically include random comments from his various bits. One of my favorites involves Dane witnessing a person being struck by a vehicle (NSFW). Dane mentions that his shoes flew off, “When you get hit by a car, sometimes your shoes fly off. Sometimes your pants will come off, but I was not fortunate enough to see the pants portion on this strike.” This is my mental history... something in my head that will never go away now. Combine that with another problem I have – which is the ability to find all things funny – and you have potential for a bad situation.

So last night I’m watching the news with the wife. They run a terribly tragic story about a 15-year-old being hit by a car. The poor kid died instantly. I want to be sad, and I really do feel for the family. Honest. That’s a terrible thing. But the reporter showed me the shoes. Why did they show me the shoes?

GM is Idiot (Part One)

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 13:42:00 -0800

I am convinced that my nine-year-old can run General Motors better than the people in charge over there. Last week, General Motors COO Fritz Henderson told Automotive News GM has no intention of offering a minicar in America. He admits that the Smart car is popular but claims it is a “phenomenon”. He went on to say that American small-car buyers are happier with something like a Cobalt or the Aveo.

The Aveo? Seriously? No one would rather have that pile of crap over one of these three vehicles...

This is why car buyers are spending their hard-earned American dollars on Japanese cars. Toyota not only thought it would be a good idea to bring over smaller cars labeled as Scions, but they plan to expand that line-up with even more small cars.

GM should be making entry-level mini cars with the quality of their new Malibu. You get the first time buyer in, they enjoy the experience, and they continue to buy GM products for life. It’s not rocket science.

GM is Idiot (Part Two)

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 13:56:00 -0800

Continuing with how stupid GM can be... GMAC, GM’s credit arm, announced that they are only going to accept people with a FICO rating of 700 or more. This is their answer to the current credit crunch we’re going through. I suppose it makes sense when you tie it in with their answer to the gas crunch: a new muscle car, but not a new mini car.

Here’s the thing, the problem with people defaulting on loans, losing their houses and cars, and causing all sorts of economic problems globally, has absolutely nothing to do with their FICO scores. Plain and simple, the people defaulting on their loans had good FICO scores, but they took out loans that were more than they could afford... gambling on their house doubling in value. Our economics woes were not caused by a bunch of people with bad credit getting new cars.

Well done, GM. Obviously your goal is to sell as few cars as possible.

Macs Are Not Toyotas

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 13:26:00 -0800

I hate car metaphors in computer reviews, but I can’t help myself: The old MacBook Pro was a solidly-built Toyota, and the new one is a Lexus. – Harry McCracken, New MacBook Pro Review

I am slightly offended by this analogy. A Mac is neither a Toyota nor a Lexus. Sure they are known for their reliability/stability. But Macs are exciting machines, something Toyota knows nothing about.

Martyr Lamp

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 13:07:00 -0800

Another interesting item I wish I could buy here in the states.

Grandfather Clock

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 09:38:00 -0800

More from the “wish I had thought of it” archives.

Available from Spring Design & Art for only 120 bucks.

October 8, 2008: The Wife's Birthday

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 09:27:00 -0800

Why were there markers in a place where Jonas could get them? But I guess the moral of the story is... don’t bake cakes. – Chad [10/09 1:03pm]

Yes, that is the moral of the story. And is why the markers where in a place could get them.

Get Over It, Foo

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 14:38:00 -0800

I really hate it when a band makes political statements. I rarely agree with a band or artist on their views, and it just changes the music for me. Foo Fighters decided to bum me out this week by complaining that John McCain’s campaign is using their music at his rallies without asking...

This isn’t the first time the McCain campaign has used a song without making any attempt to get approval or permission from the artist. It’s frustrating and infuriating that someone who claims to speak for the American people would repeatedly show such little respect for creativity and intellectual property. The saddest thing about this is that ’My Hero’ was written as a celebration of the common man and his extraordinary potential. To have it appropriated without our knowledge and used in a manner that perverts the original sentiment of the lyric just tarnishes the song.

First, I don’t know why virtually all popular musical acts are left-leaning. But fact is, they are. So if any Republican asked any popular artist for permission to use a song, he’s not going to get it. So what’s the campaign suppose to play during a rally?

Second, why should John McCain have to ask Foo and his Fighters for permission to play any of their songs? Last I checked, there are rules to keep you from using a song in a commercial, TV show, or movie without asking (paying). But if I’m having a party – or in this case, a rally – and I happen to like a song, screw the artist. I’m playing it.

What’s next, Foo? Am I going to have to get permission to buy your CDs? “You can’t buy our album... you’re a registered Republican.”

By the way, Rush Limbaugh uses a song by The Pretenders for the theme song to his show. And every time he starts his show, he’s paying a licensing fee to the band. And the band doesn’t like it. But that’s just too bad... because the band signed the licensing rights to the label, and the label doesn’t care about Rush’s politics. The label only cares about the money.

The Wife's Birthday

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 09:32:00 -0800

Today is the wife’s birthday. She’s 25 years old today. Again. I’ve been married to her for a ~~very long time~~ while now, and the one thing I learn every year on her birthday is that I still do not know her. It hit me as I drove to work yesterday morning... I don’t know what to buy her and I don’t know how to buy it even if I knew what to get. Perhaps my first problem is that I didn’t think about that fact until yesterday.

The second thing I learned is to stop trying to make the wife a cake.

Our first year of being married, I made her a pecan pie. Pecan is her favorite pie, and cakes are so ordinary, so I thought I’d make her a homemade pie. That was a never ending mess. The gooey stuff that the pecans float on started pouring out of the pan, across the counter, and on to the floor. To help out, our cat decided to come lick up the sticky mess... placing his head right under the stream of goo pouring off the counter. The upside, the cat had spiky hair for a week. I thought about getting him an earring to complete the look.

Last night, I attempted a cake. That didn’t go much better than my very first attempt at baking. This time I made less of a mess, but I haven’t mastered the art of doing one thing while keeping an eye on . When I finished running the mixer – which was for two whole minutes – our little Bonus had managed to draw some pretty pictures with a marker. He drew on the walls in the office and the living room, he drew on the vacuum, two desks, a couple of his toys, the floor (some carpet, some tile), and the fridge. That’s when I busted him. Two rooms too late.

By the way, the cake didn’t even work out. I flipped over the pan and half hit the plate while the other half stayed in the pan.

Well happy birthday, wife. Good luck getting the marker off the walls.

Are You Sure?

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 13:39:00 -0800

Back in June, when a California court determined that gay marriage should be legal, my atheist friend harassed me... “See? We’re all still here. I thought if gay marriage happened, it would be the end of the United States. Guess not!”

Stocks skidded this afternoon, with the Dow’s nearly 778-point drop being the worst single-day point loss ever, after the House rejected the government’s $700 billion bank bailout plan.

Are you sure about that?

Regurgitating Idiocy

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 11:04:00 -0800

Blogs have a habit of passing one piece of information around rather than creating their own unique content. So a single quote may hit 30 blogs in the same day. Typically I try to avoid this blogging strategy. But there’s a quote that is making the blog circuit that I cannot avoid any longer.

For years now, they’ve told us that we can’t afford – that the government providing healthcare to all people is just unimaginable; it can’t be done. We don’t have the money to rebuild our infrastructure. We don’t have the money to wipe out poverty. We can’t do it. But all of a sudden, yeah, we do have $700 billion for a bailout of Wall Street. – Senator Bernie Sanders

This is being posted all over the ’net with a bunch of hell yeahs. But the whole argument is bogus. Sanders is trying to say is that we could take $700 billion and give everyone insurance and wipe out poverty. Forget Wall Street, forget economic collapse.

Honestly, I don’t know for sure what happens if we don’t bail out these corporations. And don’t think for a second that I am happy about bailing out a bunch of ridiculously high paid CEOs who managed their businesses poorly and we have to pay for it. I’m not. I’m pissed. But if all indicators are correct, not bailing these losers out will put us in a similar situation to the collapse of the 30s. That’s no way to wipe out poverty. Keeping us employed is.

Let’s be clear, proposing insurance for all Americans is something far greater than this $700 billion bailout. This is something that once you start it, you’ll never be able to stop it. It will grow and cost Americans a heck of a lot more than $700 billion. And with this bailout plan, the government is planning to get paid back with interest. There won’t be one dollar that is ever recovered from a national health plan.

Sanders is either stupid or he is assuming that we are. He seems to think that we can’t see that he is comparing apples to oranges. Sadly, from the blogs I’ve seen, his assumption is correct.

App Store Disaster

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 15:15:00 -0800

Mike Ash, a small time iPhone app developer, has written a piece about his hassles getting his app placed into Apple’s new iPhone App Store.

Compared to the simplicity of developing and distributing a Mac app, Apple’s iPhone program is extremely convoluted and strange.

Mike describes a 22 step process (which includes “wait” as a step four times), and seems to be bothered by more than a few things along the way. He’s whining by step two...

I’m not done signing up with stuff yet! You see, although I signed up and clicked through the scary legal stuff and downloaded the SDK, I can’t actually install any software on my iPhone. I can read documentation, write code, compile it, and even run it in the iPhone simulator, but I can’t get it onto my actual iPhone.

Okay, I don’t know why Apple does this either, but it was an extra day in your development. Get over it, you should be coding anyway, not sitting by your inbox waiting for an email from Steve Jobs.

Still whining, we’ve hit step four...

Did I mention that the program is not free? And remember, this isn’t to distribute apps, it’s just to start realistically working on them. $99 to put apps on my own iPhone.

I guess it’s not okay for Apple to at least try to weed out some lame-o flashlight app developers. I find it hard to argue with a $99 admission fee. And once you’ve paid the 99 bucks, you can distribute the apps... assuming you can code good enough to get approved.

Steps five, six, and seven go over a process that is required to get the self-made app on to your own phone. Since all apps can only be put on the phone via the app store, there are a few things you have to do in order to get around that. He babbles on for a half-dozen paragraphs about how you have to cut and paste this, open that, run some Xcode nonsense, and then something didn’t go quite right. Basically, Mike just describe pretty much every development process... EVER. It never goes quite right.

So Mike finally gets his app written and, despite all the hurdles that he had to jump, he even gets it submitted to Apple for approval. Enter his “wait” step #2. After a week, it’s rejected. Mike and his buddy go back into the code, make some fixes and submit again. The “wait” step appears again. And his app gets rejected again. This time there’s a bug that he needs to fix. Resubmit, and wait. Again.

At this point, I can hear his voice cracking as he sobs on about having to wait one more time to get this stupid app approved by Apple.

In about a month’s time, the App Store went from zero apps to over 3,000 (that’s 100 approvals per day, Mike). Yet Mike seems to think Apple should have a plethora of coders just sitting around waiting for his app to come in and be tested. If one person can approve one app each hour, Apple needs 13 people on staff just to handle the approvals. That’s not to say anything of the apps they test and reject. I would guess these guys don’t get paid minimum wage. Something tells me that Mike is also complaining that Apple is going to steal 30% of his profits once he gets approved.

Finally, nearly a month after the original submission, the application is accepted by Apple and appears in the store. It spent longer going through Apple’s approval process than it did in development! And while Apple did find a legitimate bug, spending a month in limbo for a single bug is a very poor tradeoff.

When you see his repeated “wait” complaints, you’re led to believe this thing has been going on six months. I saw two weeks (half the total process) in there that could have been prevented by not having two separate bugs. Obviously I’m not saying my code runs bug free, but don’t blame Apple for delays due to your bugs.

This kind of story makes me sick. As a coder, Mike should have a better handle on what it takes to start and maintain an online resource like iTunes. Instead of being thankful for a new avenue to push his wares, he’s complaining about how demanding and difficult Apple is. According to him, one month of waiting is a terrible tradeoff for an instant 8 million attentive customers. Wonder how long would be acceptable in order to have your product placed on a shelf in Best Buy? He mentioned more than once that this was a much harder deal than distributing a Mac application. Hey Mike, have you ever had Apple list your Mac app on their insanely popular and successful iTunes store? Didn’t think so.

September 18, 2008: App Store Disaster

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 20:00:00 -0800

Yeah, this is what I figured... according to this twit, the iPhone app called Trism made $250,000 so far. I wonder if a month of waiting was worth it? [9/18 8:00pm]

Checking Facebook

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 11:55:00 -0800

Last week, I jokingly mentioned how employers are now checking online to see what kind of mischief their interviewees are up to. Come to find out, it’s not just employers that are doing this. Colleges are also checking mySpace and Facebook to make determinations on whether to admit certain students. And CNN thinks you should do the same for potential love interests. Am I the only one who thinks something is wrong here?

There are certain questions you are not allowed to ask in an interview. You can’t ask about religion, age, marital or family status. You can’t even ask if the person drinks or smokes. Yet you can sneak around and check the candidate’s personal web pages for all of these tidbits of information. This is not very far off from paying a guy to follow the applicant around for a couple days just to see who he consorts with.

Since I don’t have a page on any social networking site, this doesn’t concern me nearly as much as mistaken identity. There are a lot of people with the same name out on the interwebs. Do a quick Google search for my name. Guess what? I’m a famous jazz drummer! Do a quick search for my little guy, , and you’ll find out that I am the proud daddy of a World Series winning pitcher!

Obviously if I see a Facebook page with photos of the wife boozing it up with some guy, I’m going to know if it’s really my wife, and not some random girl with the same name. (Thanks, CNN, for suggesting I keep tabs on her this way.) But what if I get a resumé across my desk for a Michael Smith? How am I going to be able to find this guy on mySpace with any degree of certainty?

The whole thing is ridiculous. You post a photo of yourself on halloween to share with your pals, and you can’t get into a good college because the dean doesn’t approve of pirate costumes. Or you spend a lifetime making sure your online presence is on the up and up, only to be brought down my some tool with a similar name. I miss the “good old days” when you got hired based on what you know and how well you knew it... You got accepted to college because of your grades and test scores... not who you hang out with, or whether you have a look-alike that likes smoking weed with his loser buddies.

Price Point on Independence

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 10:11:00 -0800

It is amazing what happens when the price for a barrel of oil tops $100. Gas prices sky rocket immediately, startup companies pop up and get noticed for creating alternative fuel vehicles, and people march in the streets carrying signs that read, “Get off foreign oil now!” Politicians take notice and announce when they get elected they will help these alternative fuel startups and implement a 12 step plan to get us off foreign oil. Then oil prices drop five bucks. All of the marches and all of the campaigning and all of the startups quietly go away.

So where is our price point on independence? Is it $95? Or is it $100? At what point to we decide we should be independent regardless of the price... or the cost?

I can’t imagine what it must have been like in 1776. The British pushed those colonies just a little too much and now they want their freedom. George Washington catches wind of the public dissent. “We will have our independence”, he cries. And the people cheer and donate $20 each to his campaign. Unexpectedly the British lower the tax burden by about 5%. “Call off the revolution, what we really need is better healthcare. That whacky ’Dubya’, he is going to alienate all of the colonies from the rest of the world.”

If our founding fathers swayed with the political wind as much as our politicians currently do, we’d still be waving the British flag talking about how we should break free from our tyrannical rulers... just as soon as we fix the welfare system and social security.

Purell Ad

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 09:32:00 -0800

Growing up with comics makes me really appreciate this ad...
A full size version is also available.

Schtock

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 13:49:00 -0800

There’s been a lot of blog press about a new site, schtock.com. Practically every design blog out there has made mention of this guy (girl?), and his site only launched September 5th.

The creator is an amateur designer who works for an unnamed stock art company. Schtock randomly posts new images that come across his desk as well as some designs he puts together from these images. The biggest reason for the attention is the designer’s amazing talent.

Also, let me state that while the site creator self-refers as an amateur designer, they are assuredly neither amateur nor a designer, but a fantastic artist. – What I Learned in Design School

While the comment in their review is meant as a compliment, I feel compelled to point out that “amateur” and “fantastic” are not necessarily synonymous. The only difference between a guy who is really good at design and the professional designer, is usually a paycheck. More often than not, the amateur is a better designer than the pro.

On the flip side, I would argue that Mr. Schtock has really just posted one of the more creative resumés ever. While he mentions that what he is doing could be grounds for termination, and therefore doesn’t list the company he works for, he has no issue with listing his mailing address in the domain’s WHOIS record, or a phone number on the site. Perfect options for being contacted in case you might want to hire this “fantastic artist”.

That’s no criticism, by the way. That’s jealousy.

The Irony Button

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 15:31:00 -0800

Since most of the employee suggestions at the company were being shot down by management, a few of us sat down one day and made a list of valid, competent suggestions that we felt would not just improve our own personal situation at the company, but improve the company itself. Our list was long enough to provide one suggestion per week for over a year. I actually had a personal goal of showing management how ridiculous the suggestion box really was.

Shortly after our list was made – but before our campaign could begin – we were told that the company was being sold. One owner wanted to retire, but the second didn’t like the plan. So a battle in the board room ensued and the dissenting owner was forced out of the company he founded.

The new company, expected to take over in the next month, was promising to keep us all as-is, and said they wanted to push for more marketing and increase our sales force tremendously, perhaps move to a bigger office.

The following are from our original list of suggestions, which now suddenly seem incredibly ironic...

New Logo

New/updated website

Additional salesperson

Change the company name

Advertising/marketing person

Move to the larger (vacant) office next door

(I call “bull” on all of their promises, for the record.)

There is some icing on this cake. The usual suspects and I had a long running joke that we were all going to quit on the same day to start our own company. We would setup shop across the street and call ourselves “Extreme Web Connectivity” – or EWC for short – which was a sort of spoof on the name of the company. The new place attempting to buy the company is EMC.

Awesome Email

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 14:20:00 -0800

I’ve mentioned from time to time how I love professionals who cannot compose an email to save their own life. I found this nifty email from a customer today (I did not truncate or edit this in any way)...

Subject: Free floating Catalog Star
Message: Instead of having it in the box...

Great instructions, Mr. Customer. I’ll get on that right away.

Cops in the Wrong Places

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 10:56:00 -0800

I don’t think this is the first time I have expressed my outrage at this, nor is it likely to be my last. I just can’t believe no one else seems to be noticing this problem. Everyday there is another story about rampant crime, and yet where do we see cops? Sitting on the side of the freeway with a radar gun in hand looking for a guy trying to get home from a long day at work.

The first story is fairly harmless, unless you owned of one of the Hondas pulled from the lake. Wednesday, September 10, 2008...

Five stolen cars were plucked from Lacamas Lake on Tuesday.

Camas (Washington) police said it’s the second time they have pulled cars from the lake. A police press release described the site as a “stolen car graveyard.”

Here’s where I have an issue... this is the second time. So you know people like to dump multiple cars in this lake? You even call the place a stolen car graveyard! And you can’t figure out how to catch them?

I wonder how many “5 mph over” speeding tickets... or “improper lane change” tickets... or “broken taillight” tickets were issued in the area.

Monday, September 8, 2008...

Since April, armed gunmen have stormed as many as 17 Oakland restaurants, robbing patrons, employees and cash registers.

I can’t think of very many things more dangerous than armed men robbing restaurants full of people. But the highway patrol sure can. Every traffic ticket you get comes with a lecture about how you are being unsafe for driving to fast... or for not completely stopping at a four-way stop... or for failing to use your turn signal when you changed lanes.

Here’s a recap of my last three interactions with the police.

Pulled over for having a fat (completely legal) exhaust pipe, was placed in the patrol car while they search the vehicle because I “looked suspicious.” I shake. A lot. And I explained to the cop the medical reason. He really didn’t care. This involved two separate patrol cars, by the way, and took up about 30 minutes of my day. He let me go without a ticket because I was cooperative. I really wanted to ask what the ticket would have been for since I didn’t do anything wrong, but figured it was not worth the trouble that would have brought.

Pulled over and ticketed for making a lane change without using my signal. Do you have any idea how many cops I see in a given week changing lanes over and over without signaling once? Honestly, I was shocked to learn it was a ticket-able offense.

My favorite part in this incident was the notation on the ticket that said I was going 35 in a 50 zone. The wife doesn’t believe I drive within the speed limits. I finally have documented proof from an officer of the law! Honestly, I was thinking, 35? Really?

This wasted about 20 minutes of my day, including the part where the cop wanted to ask me if my car was fun to drive. Man. You want to go hang out and have a cup of coffee? Don’t issue me the stupid ticket and maybe I’ll even let you drive it.

Finally, and probably the best one of the bunch, pulled over for taking too long to go through a green light. Yeah. I made a left through the green arrow and the lights kick on behind me. He asks me what took so long to go through the light. I was so stunned by the question, I couldn’t utter anything more than, “ummmm, what?!” No ticket issued there, just a warning to pay more attention. Wow. Another 15 minutes of my life I will never get back.

Side note: for those of you who say I am a bad driver, note there is not a speeding ticket in the list. So there!

Just over an hour of time wasted, in three incidents, involving four cops. The FBI says that in the U.S. a violent crime occurs every 22.8 seconds. I did the math so you don’t have to. That’s about 158 violent crimes in the roughly 60 minutes I spent on the side of the road being lectured about how I am a menace to society. What a great use of tax payer dollars and resources. I’m sure the next rape victim you run into will appreciate that you are making sure I keep it under 70. And the next old lady to get beat down for her food stamps can rest easy knowing that the culprit won’t be rolling any stop signs.

iTunes Genius

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 09:53:00 -0800

Apple released iTunes 8 this week in their event that didn’t cost me any money. The big new feature is something they call “Genius”. Yeah, I think they use that word way too much as well. The concept is, Genius looks at your music and can make playlists that match a selected song. For example, I highlighted a song by The Killers. Genius made me a playlist of songs by Muse, Arctic Monkeys, Spoon, and Silversun Pickups. Nice. But, since I’m writing about it, you can assume I have some things that could make it better.

(Hint: picture me using finger-quotes every time you see the word, Genius)

Right off, I’m not so sure about their related songs. In the example above, Genius did pretty well. Most of the bands they suggested actually were tagged similar by me. (I put in multiple styles in the comment box... like, Indie, Loud, Progressive, Garage, etc.) Even in this playlist, Genius messed up a little. For some reason, Genius added an Oasis track followed by a NIN song. I don’t think those two belong, nor should they follow one another. Sometimes Genius is too... obvious. For example, highlight Led Zeppelin. The second track in the playlist is always Robert Plant. That’s just silly. (By always, I mean that I tested it 10 times and it did it 10 times!) And Genius does the same thing with The Police/Sting. For fun, I should probably test it with Eric Clapton.

Where I really think Genius could be... more genius, would be a flowing playlist. What I mean by this is that instead of Genius making a playlist of 25 songs based on my current track, maybe it picks five songs. On the fifth song, it picks five more. Then you have a never ending playlist that moves slowly through your music. Like, say the first song is indie. The fifth song might also be indie, but maybe it’s a bit more garage. So the next few songs will have more of a garage flavor. Over a day, you could swing from indie to pop... but it wouldn’t be as harsh as say, having NIN follow Oasis.

At the moment, Genius is attempting to so something I’ve already accomplished with my comments and smart playlists. Since most people are not as anal/crazy as I am, Genius might be great. For me, it’s not quite there yet.

CEO Severance Package

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 08:21:00 -0800

I’ve been thinking of writing something about this since Monday morning when the Wall Street Journal mentioned that Freddie Mae and Fannie Mac were being taken over by the government. Apparently the CEOs who are essentially being fired for doing such a bad job stand to make roughly $14 million each for leaving. The reason I hesitated to write anything was truthfully, I’m struggling to understand the whole scenario. Fortunately for me, and now you, Neil Cavuto of FOX News explained it for me.

Neil tells a story of a CEO friend of his who was ousted. The tale goes that this CEO was all that plus the bag of chips. He was invited to every party, when he (or rather, his secretary) would call, it could make your day. If he went into a restaurant, the staff would fall all over themselves to wait on him. But, as with life, things didn’t quite work out, and now he’s no longer invited to parties, and no one in the restaurant knows who he is. Poor, poor guy.

Sorry Neil, I’m still not sold.

Look, pretty much everyone has been fired at least once. Typically you would argue that you don’t even know why... it was totally unfair. Sometimes you screwed up. You know it, they knew it, and you got the axe. And when you got your pink slip (though I’ve never actually gotten any such pink sheet of paper), you didn’t get a week to clean out your office. You didn’t get any parting gifts. You didn’t get even one day’s pay to make your transition easier. In fact, there’s a likelihood that your old employer fought your unemployment claim.

And therein lies the rub. Thanks to the non-stop news coverage, everyone knows these two CEOs messed up. And they got fired. But despite the fact that they both made enough money last year for three families to live off of for the rest of their lives (27 families in Mexico), these CEOs get a real nice going away present. Why? According to Neil, simply because they just got knocked off their pedestal. We wouldn’t want these poor guys to have to start getting bad service at IHOP like the rest of us, would we? Plus they might have to start paying for things like baseball games or concert tickets. Truly it’s a shame, and I wonder if $14 million is even enough.

Employers Check Applicants' Web Presence

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 15:03:00 -0800

According to a survey done by CareerBuilder.com, 22 percent of hiring managers said they check out their job candidates online. Another nine percent said they plan to start doing this in the near future. A staggering one-third of those who do check, actually claim they have dismissed a candidate because of something they found! Man, I am glad I don’t have any online presence potential employers can check out... er, well, at least my blog would be hard to find since it’s not like I have my name plastered all over it... um, well, at least I’ve never talked bad about my job or the people who work there... uh... aw, crap!

Darren Beckett is a talented web programmer with a background in design, providing a unique combination of talent and skill that is not easy to come by. Darren also has excellent communication skills and a strong work ethic. Most importantly, Darren also possesses a great, if not unusual, sense of humor.

Obama's Slip

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 09:13:00 -0800

There’s been much to do about a comment Barack Obama made this week regarding the McCain-Palin campaign. The backstory, Palin said in her VP nomination acceptance speech that she was a hockey mom, “They say the difference between a hockey mom and a pit-bull... lipstick.” A week later, Obama attacked McCain for his comments about changing Washington...

That’s not change. That’s... that’s just calling something the same thing, something different. You know, you can’t... you can put, uh, lipstick on a pig... it’s still a pig.

Last night, Bill O’Reilly made a decent point about Obama’s comment. He says that Obama is not a “bomb thrower”, he never has been, and he really doesn’t like confrontation. O’Reilly implies that this was a bit of a slip and both campaigns can make matters worse depending on how it is handled. While I agree that this seems to be the case, what I heard in Obama’s comment was something new from his campaign.

First (I recommend you find the audio, by the way), Obama is known for his ability to speak. He’s amazing. He looks, and he moves, and he sounds... Presidential. But this section of the speech, and it’s the only part I’ve heard, he sounds like he has no idea what he’s trying to say. He’s stumbling over his own words. He put words in the wrong places, he said “uh” way too many times, and there were uncomfortable silences. He sounds shaken.

Second, Obama doesn’t slip. Obama went through a vicious battle with Hillary Clinton. No matter what she threw at him, he would turn it around and make her look foolish. So assuming this pig and lipstick comment was simply a slip that looks/sounds bad, it’s a slip we’ve not seen him make before.

What I see is a man who was not expecting what was thrown at him. And he’s not sure what to do with it. He was expecting the same-ol’, same-ol’ for McCain’s VP. He was not expecting McCain to be on top in the polls, even if, as I have argued, it’s only for a short period of time. I think we just witnessed the first time Obama has been caught off guard, and I don’t think he reacted very well.

Terrible Memory

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 14:45:00 -0800

I have a terrible memory. I can admit this. Someone once told me, don’t bother trying to retrain your brain... just learn a new way to deal with it. So I did. I write notes in the notepad on my iPhone. Overall though, I have had limited success. I came across this note the other day, “Removing one item does not remove any other...” I have no idea what that means.

Do One Thing, And Do It Well

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 16:33:00 -0800

hasthelargehadroncolliderdestroyedtheworldyet.com

The RSS feed so you don’t have to keep checking is a nice touch.

Day Late, Dollar Short

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 11:21:00 -0800

On Monday, RealNetworks, the digital media company in Seattle, will introduce RealDVD, a $30 software program for Windows computers that allows users to easily make a digital copy of an entire DVD – down to the extras and artwork from the box.

Maybe RealNetworks didn’t get the memo, but physical media is going away.

Earthquakes Are Better Than Tornados

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 11:31:00 -0800

What’s really cool about moving across a country as large as the U.S. is the complete difference in weather and environment. Michigan was flat, cold, rainy, cloudy, and humid. Southern California is definitely not flat, sunny, hot and dry. When you live in the mid-west, you hear a lot of people talking (usually right after a tornado), “Those tornados were bad, but at least we don’t have earthquakes.”

On the ~~boring~~ serious side, earthquakes are better simply because major quakes happen less often. In terms of tornado frequency, Michigan is 20th of all 50 states. Historically, Michigan averages over 16 tornados per year... costing an average of $7,672,393 per year in damages. California – which is almost twice as large as Michigan – averages of only one major earthquake per year (major being a magnitude of 5.5 or greater... something capable of causing actual damage).

But the real reason earthquakes hand down beat out tornados is actually for the exact reason some mid-western folks think tornados are better... warnings.

Here’s the thing, I like to laugh at people. If I see a kid trip and fall, I can’t help but laugh... yes, even if it’s my kid. There’s nothing funnier than watching sprinting across my living room and seeing him just go flat out. And today at lunch, this guy bumped his cup of ice water, spilling it all over the table and his chair. It looked more like Muhammad Ali punched a Dixie® cup... like Splash Mountain came to Arby’s. There is just no way to not laugh at that.

With a tornado, we get sirens and news reports, “Run to the basement!” Everyone puts on their brave face. “I’ve been through 100 tornados. Nothing to ’em!” But with an earthquake, you don’t get the siren. There’s no report that it’s headed this way. One minute you’re sitting at your desk, typing up a blog or something, maybe playing solitaire, and suddenly your desk is bouncing around. Now you get to see people in an unrehearsed moment. No time for the brave face.

The first quake I got to experience was at the company. I had been in California almost a year, and honestly I was bummed I hadn’t been through any yet. When it happened, it was rather disappointing. I felt a bump, heard the ceiling tiles creak, and... well, that was it. The only reason I knew it was an earthquake was because of the boss. You know how they say in movies, “You look like you just saw a ghost”? The boss came running out of his office with that look on his face, yelling the whole time, “Earthquake! Earthquake!” It was more like he was yelling to tell us, not so much panic yelling. But he had no time to remove the panic look on his face. Four years later and I still laugh about it.

iPod Event

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 15:00:00 -0800

So Apple has some big event tomorrow, and it’s suppose to “rock”. The hype machine seems to be louder than usual, so I am curious what could be so great about an updated iPod line. Hardly seems that a new iPod Nano is worth all of this. One rumor, the ability to sync your music remotely over wi-fi, is of interest to me. But these events always end the same for me... trip to the Apple store and an empty wallet.

Keep It Simple Stupid

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 14:03:00 -0800

Following the KISS principle to a T, Umbrella Today has introduced the “simplest weather report ever”. At first it’s silly. But then you realize it’s brilliant. “Oh, there’s going to be a high pressure zone over the city today? That is so good to know.” No! “Is it going to rain?” That’s all you really want to know.

Week From Hell

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 15:53:00 -0800

I mentioned on Wednesday that my week didn’t start out well. I should have waited to write that because it wasn’t just the one day. These problems were not major issues. Just annoyances that kept building on top of the previous one. So to reflect...

Monday: Woke up sick at 2:00 am. Woke up again at 4:30 am itching. Had hives all over my body... no idea why. Ended up sick all day.

Tuesday: Still feeling sick. Went to work anyway, fought with Brian. Twice. Dropped bike in the sand.

Wednesday: Lost the iPod Shuffle, got to work late.

Thursday: Drop the bike again. $&#%! Could not pick it up... had to call for help. Stayed home from work and worked on a side project... couldn’t figure something out, ended up yelling at the kids. No food in the house, so the wife got me a sandwich for dinner. Cat ate it while I was retrieving a coke.

Bad Day

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 10:57:00 -0800

When I started this blog, I had hoped to be able to at least have one entry per day. Some weeks I’ve done a lot better than others. Yesterday was a really miserable day, so I really didn’t – and don’t – feel like writing anything. But then I thought, what’s the point of sharing life with people, if you only share the funny stuff? The following is a recap of the last 24 hours...

The problem with a three-day weekend is the fourth day. I find it a lot harder to want to go to work the day after a long weekend then a normal Monday. To add to that, I woke up with a headache and a stomachache. It happened to be the third day in a row that I woke up with a headache.

I’m greeting by two fabulous email as I start up my machine at work. The first was a reply to an email I sent on Thursday of last week. He simply said...

I CANT WATE

Nice email. Don’t worry about spelling, punctuation, or even lowercase characters. I’ll do the work on my end to figure out what you are trying to say.

The second email...

I was testing the new admin interface and was surprised to discover that this is already live. I added some obviously phony [data] for test purposes and they appeared on our actual web site. I was negatively surprised by this. Please in the future let me know if a module is live or not.

Idiot. I did tell you this months ago, but you opted to not touch the work we did until this weekend. And now you don’t have a clue to what I told you when the project was originally completed.

The customer was nice enough to send the email to my favorite co-worker, Brian, as well. So Brian comes into the office and hits me up first thing wanting to know what I plan to do to make the customer happy. What am I going to do? I am not going to do anything, because if I call or email the customer, I am likely to go off about how I already did tell him the module was live.

After lunch, I had to attend our weekly meeting to go over outstanding projects. In the meeting, a question comes up that involves Brian. So the boss calls Brian in to ask him why he hasn’t contacted the customer (who also happens to be an angry customer). Brian decides that instead of taking heat for not calling the customer, he’s going to change the subject. He asks the boss if I mentioned the previous email from the other angry customer. Has nothing to do with the meeting we are having, and has nothing to do with the question he was asked by the boss. What a tool.

Before I can escape at 5:00, Brian sends out an email to me and the boss. Guess what... a third angry customer.

Before I continue I want to point out that we are now up to three angry customers... all of which are Brian’s customers. The other sales person has zero angry customers. I’m just sayin’.

Three months ago, we quoted a project to this customer... a project that I said at the time we were not equipped to do. As I predicted, the people working on this project really can’t figure it out, and now we are two months overdue with nothing to show. Brian decides to blame me for this, and opted to finish up my day at the office by yelling at me to figure out how to fix the problem. I already had a solution to the problem three months ago, but he didn’t want to hear it.

As I’m getting on my bike, angry and frustrated, suggests I keep it under 95... “Don’t kill yourself on the way home!” Good thinking. It’s really easy to drive reckless when you’re angry... even with his suggestion, it was hard remaining calm on the way home.

I pull off the highway onto the dirt road I live on. I hit a patch of sand and go down. My bike is light as far as any mode of transportation goes... only 400 pounds. But when it’s laying on its side in the sand, 400 pounds is a lot to lift. I’m angry, hot, and I’ve got a bunch of black gear on. I wanted to throw my helmet into the cactus... but then I remembered I would just have to go in and retrieve it.

As I’m standing there, I realize that in about five minutes, the wife is going to notice that I’m late. Then she’s going to call me in a panic. So I send her a quick text message...

Dropped bike at end of street. Can’t pick up. Don’t call me. Too pissed to talk.

She didn’t get the text.

I walked in the house and unloaded... really loudly. is so smart. He’s siting on the couch and when I took a breath from my rant he says, “I think I’ll go in my room so I don’t make you more mad.” Nice try, but he failed. About 30 minutes later, we were in the car in a parking lot. I saw a bike like my own, only a different color I had not seen before. I said something about it being just like mine. Evan says, “Yeah, except it doesn’t have a scuff mark on the bottom.”

So surely today will be a better day. Going to bed is like hitting the reset button. I get up, and I have my morning planned out to the minute. I have to hit the gas station that’s a block away from my house... need just enough fuel to get into the office. As I’m leaving the pump, I realize I have no idea where my iPod Shuffle is. It hits me that I had set it on my tank before pulling out of the garage, so I must have dropped it at the house. I was tempted to just forget about it, but if it’s on the garage floor, it might get run over by the wife. So I go back for it.

It’s not in the garage. It’s not in the driveway. It’s not in the yard, or the street. After about five minutes of scratching my head, I channeled the spirit of Columbo. I found a rock approximately the same size and shape as the Shuffle, I set it on my bike and I retraced my departure. Crazy rock stayed on the bike as I drove down the street... past four houses. Apparently so did the Shuffle.

Honestly, I could have replace the Shuffle pretty easily. They aren’t all that expensive or hard to to find. But today, it was me versus evil... and I needed to win one. So I was late to work... but I didn’t want to be there anyway.

Today is “Deli Wednesday”, I’m two days away from another weekend, and the boss goes on vacation next Monday. I think I got it from here.

Solar Tree

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 11:18:00 -0800

Forget, “Wish I had thought of it...” where do I buy one of these?!

Translated from the French web site...

Reload your nomads through this plant fitted solar panels without consume energy than other light. The day the electricity produced by photovoltaic cells is stored in a battery that recharge your devices when you connect the evening.

The object is composed of modules which are assembled by a jack, each party can turn on itself and create an infinite shape.

Let the Game Begin

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 16:20:00 -0800

As I stated in an earlier entry, the big race between McCain and Obama won’t really heat up until after the two conventions. Slight correction, now that Mac has revealed his pick for VP the fun can start. But I also said McCain is only going to lose points when he announces his running mate. That remains to be seen. Sarah Palin has potential to bring him some voters (women and conservatives). However, we’ve seen VP candidates fail miserably when they get thrown into the national spotlight. Either way, this should be fun.

McCain, by the way, did a much better job at keeping his pick a secret. Obama was suppose to get a text out to all of his supporters before the news could announce it. At 9:00pm, CNN was calling Biden as the pick. I got my text at midnight. Conversely, on my way in to work this morning, Lieberman was still Mac’s expected VP pick.

It obviously surprised a lot of liberals, judging by their reactions. “Hail Mary pass” and “heartbeat away” were obviously key phrases immediately sent out to anyone who might be in front of a microphone or camera today. Think before you speak, I was always told.

The vice president is a heartbeat away from becoming president. So to choose someone with not one hour’s worth of experience on national issues is a dangerous choice. – Senator Barbara Boxer

In choosing Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin to be his running mate he is not thinking “outside the box,” as some have said. More like out of his mind. – Paul Begala, CNN

Begala’s piece on CNN.com had me wondering if he was out of his mind. He finishes the article with this choice statement...

John McCain has shown he is willing to endanger his country, potentially leaving it in the hands of someone who simply has no business being a heartbeat away from the most powerful, complicated, difficult job in human history.

Has he forgotten that the person he supports hasn’t any foreign policy experience or a single major contribution or commitee action in his 143 days in the Senate? And he’s not putting him a heartbeat away from the most powerful, complicated, difficult job in human history. He wants him in that position.

Look, I have previously argued that experience doesn’t matter. So has Obama. And today we are suddenly told you can’t have a VP with no experience.

Palin is a fine person, her lack of experience makes the thought of her assuming the presidency troubling. – Senator Chuck Schumer

You’re putting someone within a heartbeat of the presidency with the thinnest foreign policy experience in history. – Bill Burton, Obama campaign spokesman

Today, John McCain put the former mayor of a town of 9,000 with zero foreign policy experience a heartbeat away from the presidency. – Adrianne Marsh, Obama campaign spokeswoman

(Actually, that last comment sounds like Ms. Marsh is calling McCain the winner.)

So Obama has spent the last nine months arguing that his lack of experience does not mean he can’t be an effective leader. And now his own campaign is telling us experience is really important for the Vice President.

Let’s not forget...

I think that I have a lifetime of experience that I will bring to the White House. I know Senator McCain has a lifetime of experience to the White House. And Senator Obama has a speech he gave in 2002. – Hillary Clinton

I think [Obama] can be ready, but right now I don’t believe he is. The presidency is not something that lends itself to on-the-job training. – Senator Joe Biden

Brian's Tours

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 09:28:00 -0800

I’ve mentioned before that I don’t have too much respect for Brian. He’s the annoying guy they write into every sitcom. And just like the sitcoms, I keep waiting for the day they cut him from the cast. He’s full of annoying sales clichés... like, “that’s another arrow in our quiver,” or “let me sharpen my pencil”. Every customer call sounds the same, like he’s reading from a card and substituting the customer’s name in the right places.

Brian likes to have customers come in and he gives them a “tour of the facility”. Our office is maybe 2,000 square feet at most, sparsely decorated, industrial carpet, and white walls. In a word... boring. But he wants to drag them around and show off all of “his workers” hard at work. He insists on telling people we are “his” developers, and “his” support staff. Ugh. I am not his developer.

As he walks the customer through the “facility”, he offers the same lame speech every time. We try to recite it as he walks around, hoping to be on queue as he enters our office. He takes them into the tech support office... “This is our phone support staff. We consider this to be the heart (using finger quotes) of the organization.” As he moves down the hall towards the office I used to share with , , and Jon, he insists on pointing out the bathroom. Yeah, I don’t know why either.

Brian enters our room, and his speech this time is, “And if the last room is the heart of the company, then this is the brain.”

A little history... at the time, I was the web designer. Gary and Jon were considered “Tier II Support”, which was mostly firewall problems too hard for the normal tech support guys. Justin was the programmer... he did all the coding on the firewall. Justin and I never did any work directly with Gary and Jon. You would think, since he likes to talk about how he’s “one of the owners”, Brian would know what we all do. Guess not.

Brian introduces us to the customer... “So this is Justin, the programmer. And this is Darren, the web guy. And when Darren doesn’t know what he’s doing, he goes to these guys for help” (pointing at Gary and Jon).

Just wrong on so many levels.

When I left for a few months and was hired back, I got a cooler title... “Lead Web Developer”. One day Brian gave another tour. Now I’m in my own office, so he couldn’t make that same mistake as last time. Instead he tries to be clever and he introduces me as the “web guru”.

My office is next door to the boss. He overheard it, came out to the hallway, shot a look over at Brian... but he didn’t say anything. After the visitor left, the boss calls Brian into his office. Before Brian can get to his office, the boss meets up with Brian in the hallway outside my door. “When I hired Darren back, I hired him for a specific job. He is the lead web developer. Can you say that? Lead. Web. Developer. Say it with me.” (He actually made Brian repeat it!) The boss continues, “Do you have one of his business cards? Take one of these cards. Take it home and memorize his title.”

Brian took my card and went back to his office. I don’t think he’s brought anyone else in for a tour.

Special Vision

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 09:44:00 -0800

Maybe I’m just cranky today, but is there some reason that only I can see the problem in this photo? I strongly believe in a design being “pixel perfect”... where every item in the design is precise down to the last pixel. I don’t know how this gets past one’s personal quality assurance filter. This not only went past the designer’s QA, the site went live like this. Ridiculous.

McCain's False Lead

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 11:38:00 -0800

There’s been a lot of talk about some polling data that puts McCain five points ahead of Obama. Other polls listed McCain in a statistical dead heat... which means that he’s lower in points but the margin of error means he could be tied. The problem here, this is not a real lead for McCain. It’s a temporary showing, that will be completely meaningless in a few weeks.

First, this race is not yet started. The real fight between the two candidates will not fully begin until after the two conventions. Right now, neither candidate are even spending money or actively campaigning. In fact, Obama is just wrapping up a vacation. If you can’t gain ground against a guy on vacation, you shouldn’t even be in the race.

Second, until a VP has been announced, neither candidate can rest on it’s current polling position. Unless he chooses Clinton, Obama can only go up from here by announcing his running mate. McCain in in the opposite position. He is going to lose some supporters regardless of which way he goes.

McCain’s problem is that he’s trying to do the impossible task of appearing middle-of-the-road. That strategy has never worked, and it’s not likely to work for this guy. Currently the left leaning and the right leaning republicans are waiting him out, hoping Mac shows he’s really on their side. But when he chooses his VP, it will clearly define which side of the fence he’s really on. If McCain goes with a conservative pick, he loses support from the guys who are really looking for a liberal candidate. They’ll easily jump ship for Obama. If he picks a lefty, McCain will lose any of the religious right voters he currently has.

Let’s not forget how ridiculous these polls are anyway. A pollster calls up a random individual, and he says, “Would you vote for McCain?” The person on the other end of the line might say yes, but they aren’t actually standing in the booth pulling the lever now, are they? What you are going to do and what you actually do, are not always the same thing.

I hope McCain enjoys this lead – or dead heat – because it’ll be the last one he sees. Obama is going to wipe the floor with McCain come November.

Compact Disc

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 11:17:00 -0800

The CD turns 26 years old today. I can remember going into a Radio Shack in Jackson, Michigan with my Dad... I think I was 11 or 12. It was the first time I had ever seen a CD player. They had this demo CD that had 100 sound effects on it. Their display was setup to show off how clear a CD sounds. I didn’t care. I was all about switching tracks. You just click this button, and it instantly plays the next song? Wow!

At the time, CD players were selling for over $1,000... the average car price was about $8,000. I didn’t know how I would ever get one of those things. But I had to have one.

Seven years later I was the first one in my family to have a CD player. I think I paid as much for it as I paid for my first car. More so because my first car was really cheap than the CD player being overly expensive. I bought a CD Walkman a year later... I was still the only one in my family to own a CD player. There was no oversampling or shock protection. This thing would skip if you looked at it wrong!

My collection of CDs now sits in a few milk crates in my enormous garage, and all my music sits on a 4-inch by 2.5-inch little box in my pocket.

I’m old.

Rossi 66

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 13:50:00 -0800

Blue Fusion announced today they plan to make a new shell that uses the styling cues from a ’66 Corvette, which would then have C6 underpinnings. I’d drive that.

FYI, the split window ’Vette was a ’63, not a ’66.

Jon Loves Cox

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 11:06:00 -0800

At the company, we work with a lot of outside consultants. We recommend some of these outside IT guys to our customers, and they recommend us to their customers. One of the company’s favorite consultants is a guy by the name of Brian Cox. (I try not to get too detailed with names, but obviously the story isn’t the same without his name.) Jon would be on a phone call from time to time, and end up making a recommendation that our customer talk to Brian.

“You really have to try Cox”, he’s say. “Cox can solve this problem... I use Cox all the time.” Or sometimes, “I really love working with Cox.” We even heard him say, “I just love Cox.”

Being about as mature as eighth graders, Gary and I would laugh endlessly. Every time he would make the suggestion, we would send Jon an instant message repeating what he had just said, but substituting Brian’s last name with a synonym for rooster. Our goal – more successful than not – was to get Jon completely flustered on his call... hopefully getting him to put the caller on hold in order to regain his composure.

One afternoon Jon got an email telling him that he need to call a customer. In the customer’s homeland, I’m sure his name is rather respectable, but here the name is completely unfortunate... Hung Dong. Having just been harassed about Cox, Jon admitted that he had no idea how he was going to make this call with a straight face. Sure enough... it did not go well.

Jon dials the phone. “Can I speak to Hung- er, Mr. Dong- um, eh, is there a Hung Dong there- ah, nevermind.” Click. “Forget this. He can call me back.”

Yes. Everything I needed to know, I learned in the eighth grade.

Pay Phone

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 13:33:00 -0800

Normally, “wish I had thought of it” entries fall in the design category, but this one has nothing to with design. I do wish I had thought of it though.

As a side note... I was in a nearby town we call Victimville a few months back, and I saw something I had never seen before. Picture a gas station, but instead of pumps, every slot had a pay phone. Was there ever a time this was a good idea?

RIP pay phone, RIP.

OK is a Four Letter Word

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 15:54:00 -0800

o·kay – informal

exclamation
used to express assent, agreement, or acceptance : Okay, I’ll pass on your message.

adjective [ predic. ]
satisfactory but not exceptionally or especially good : the flight was okay.

adverb
in a satisfactory manner or to a satisfactory extent : the computer continues to work okay.

noun [in sing. ]
an authorization or approval : do you know how long it takes for those pen-pushers to give us the okay?

When did we decide some words are better if we shorten them? OK is not OK. That’s because it is actually okay. And through is not thru. Sure, I know that technically both of those may be “OK” to use. But all of the oversized words we have in the english language, and these are the two we shorten? Why can’t we say “tuf” instead of “tough”? Why is the word “queue” five letters long?

I Hate the Olympics

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 14:05:00 -0800

It’s that time again... the start of another summer olympics. Every four years we have to listen to non-stop blather about who’s going to bring home the gold. And the television networks all fight over the rights to share the sad story of Johnny Olympian and how he almost didn’t make it, his mom died before arriving, and now he’s got a hangnail so he might not be able to perform. Is there one guy in the olympics that doesn’t have a tragedy associated with his being there?

Unfortunately, I am not in the majority in my disdain for this ridiculous event. Wall Street Journal recently posted their predictions for how many medals the various countries will pull in. But they didn’t stop there. They also spoke to Andrew Bernard, a professor of international economics at Dartmouth College’s Tuck School of Business, who apparently has some amazing method for predicting the medal count. But wait! There’s more! Andrew’s claims are being ridiculed by Simon Shibli, head of the Sport Industry Research Centre at the U.K.’s Sheffield Hallam University, who, by the way, has a much more impressive sounding title. WSJ didn’t stop there, they also spoke to a Luciano Barra, a longtime Italian Olympic official, who thinks Andrew and Simon are both full of bunk.

Criminy.

Look, olympians don’t do anything. I mean, at least with pro sports you can argue that they are in the entertainment industry... same caliber as a movie star. But olympic athletes go unnoticed except for the fourth year when NBC and CBS can’t stop telling us their life’s stories. These clowns don’t do anything productive. Start a business, employe some people. Invent something useful. Feed some starving children in a poor country. Heck, get a job and feed your own starving children.

Sounds

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 11:26:00 -0800

At the company, we use instant messaging to communicate with other people in the office. Studies have shown that it is an effective form of communication that doesn’t slow productivity. I like it because I can talk to everyone – which I am notorious for – but the boss doesn’t catch me standing around talking.

When I started at the company, I had a crappy Windows 98 box.

This isn’t just me being a Mac zealot. That Windows box was a piece of garbage. If I didn’t reboot it every day at lunch, it would lock up before five. I finally convinced the boss to buy me a Mac... only for me to quit a couple months later. I’m surprised he didn’t give me grief about that when I came back. Instead I ended up talking him into a new Mac!

Anyway, on Windows, I used Trillian as my chat client of choice. Trillian allows you to connect to the Jabber service we used at the company, as well as the big name IM services like Yahoo, AOL, and Google. So now I can talk to co-workers, and my friends.

Trillian had one cool feature... they had their own built-in emoticons. An emoticon, for those of you who don’t know, is when you type something like, :) , and the program turns it into a smiley face icon. Trillian had the usual smiles and frowns, but it also has some weird ones like (duck), (santa), (devil), and even (toilet). If I typed in (duck), it would not only show a picture of a duck, but it would play a quack-quack sound. Typing (toilet) would show a picture and play a sound like a toilet flushing!

The sound triggers work when I send them, or someone sends them to me. I was the only one with Trillian. was on a Mac, and Jon and both had Linux machines. So only my computer would make sounds, but everyone in the room could hear it. Gary enjoyed this, so he would send me (duck) messages quite frequently.

One day I noticed that Trillian uses a simple text file and a folder of sounds to make that function work. In the text file, you simply list the trigger followed by the name of the WAV file that should play. We were all getting annoyed by how often Gary would trigger the (duck), so I changed it to play a sound of Beavis screaming, “Agh!” Unfortunately, it did nothing in the way of making him send the (duck) trigger less.

Once the first Beavis sound clip resonated through our little office, expanding the list of sounds became a top priority for us. Within a short amount of time, we had 20 Beavis and Butthead sounds, 30 or so Homer Simpson clips, numerous Chris Farley bits, and even 18 different Chewbacca sounds. Of course we had the clip of Dane Cook exclaiming, “F-ing Brian’s coming!”, just in case Brian was coming. We had a total of over 375 different noises we could make with simple keywords.

What made the sounds really fun was the accidental trigger. Chances of someone typing (duck) in a normal message is pretty slim. But it’s not too uncommon for someone to say, “hey, how’s it going?”, or maybe, “i don’t know”. So throughout the day, we would just hear random noises come from my desk. But this didn’t come without some problems.

I found a clip of Adam Sandler saying, “69” followed by his patented laugh. I wondered how many times in a day do people send me “69” in a normal conversation, so I added in the trigger. But something broke. I saved the text file and restarted Trillian for it to take effect. All the sudden, no matter what text people sent me, every message I got came across as jumbled text and would play Adam Sandler, “69! Ahahahahha!” Of course it was right then that the boss decided to send me a bunch of messages about a project we were working on. I couldn’t just restart Trillian in the middle of his conversation, but I also had no idea what he was saying. Plus it wouldn’t stop playing, “69! Ahahahahha!” Gary thinks this is awesome, so he adds to the problem by sending me dozens of messages.

Gary didn’t like being outdone, so he decided to experiment with his own chat client to see if he could make sounds too. After a few minutes of tinkering, he managed to get it to work... sort of. Similar to my “69” screw up, all of the sudden every message he got would trigger Arthur, son of Uther, from Excalibur, shouting, “One land, one king!” But for some unknown reason, the file was 10 times louder than any other sound Gary had tried. It played once, “ONE LAND, ONE KING!” We all jumped out of our skin, and Jon glares at him saying, “Dude, I’m on the phone!” It was really loud! It was so loud, you couldn’t even make out what he was saying. It played again, “ONE LAND, ONE KING!” Gary’s scrambling to shut it down, and Jon’s still on the phone freaking out. “Dude! Turn that off!” Justin and I are rolling on the floor laughing.

One common occurrence at the office was for the boss to come into our room and yell at Jon about something. The rest of us knew just to keep our heads down, stay quiet and he’d leave us unscathed. The boss comes in one afternoon to go off on Jon again... as usual, for no apparent reason. I had setup a sound for both “LOL” and “ROFL”, so naturally, as the boss took a breath from his shouting at Jon, someone outside our office triggers one of the laugh sounds. “Oh, so you find this funny?”, the boss asks me. I tried to explain it, “No, I wasn’t laughing. It’s this chat... it’s all accidental, someone sent me a message, and...” But there’s just nothing you can do at that point.

We later found out that the boss actually had a better appreciation for the sound triggers than we expected. He actually spent one evening finding some sound clips to use, and even gave me some specific triggers he wanted. He said he wanted them to try to calm Gary down from time to time.

Justin made a successful port from Trillian to the Mac client after I ditched my crappy Windows box. later expanded it a bit once I came back to work at the company. It works on all of our computers now... but since we’re all in different offices now, it’s just not the same thing.